The Legal Marketing Coach

Enter a room with confidence

To enjoy networking you need to look and feel confident and convey your pleasure at being at an event.

Overcome your nerves by taking 3 deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Put your shoulders back and smile. You can also put your shoulders up to your ears and down again three times which will help to relax the muscles in your back and in your shoulders, you have already checked your appearance in the mirror so you already know you look great.

How do you know which group to join?

When you go into a room, which is full of people it is very often overwhelming and dauntingly difficult to know who you should go and talk to.  Pause, as you enter the room and evaluate the types of groups which are there.

“Tightly Tied Twos”

Do not try to join two people who are having an animated conversation. They will demonstrate this in their body language in which they have a high percentage of eye contact, their shoulders are facing each other, their hips are facing each other and their feet are facing each other. They may also be standing quite close together.

Two people who are talking to each other, but would like someone else to join them will display this by appearing to be shaped like a V. So that although one shoulder and hip and leg might be close to the other individual,  the other shoulder hip and leg will be facing much more widely out of the room and their eyes may be searching the room as they are talking to each other,  which indicates that they might like you to join them. So look for the V shape in a pair in order to join that group.

“Threatening Threes”

The threatening threes are similar to the “Tightly Tied Twos.” They will be fairly close together talking animatedly or in an exclusive way and have been standing quite close to each other. Again try to avoid having to join these groups.

“Fearsome Fours And Frightening Fives”

The characteristics of increasingly larger groups are similar as those of the “Tightly Tied Twos”. These characteristics may apply particularly to those people for example lawyers or accountants or those who have a hobbies in common for example rugby or golf. Try and avoid these groups.

However, if these individuals are standing further apart from each other and are not quite intense,  then you will find if you hover on the edge of these groups you may find they will open up and welcome you in. Smile and nod at everybody and let the conversation continue without interrupting it and changing the subject. If they stop and wait for you to introduce yourself you can say with clarity so that it reaches everybody in the group “My name is… and I am from … or I am …”.

There may be occasions where you have to join any of the groups above. Try to join the smaller size groups for example two or three. Hover persistently and with confidence until they allow you to join them.

The easiest people to talk to are those who are on their own. A number of people reply to this suggestion, “There may be a good reason why there on there own!” This may be the case, but it may be that they lack confidence and they are waiting for you to talk to them and would like you to help them to talk to other people.

Introductions

Shaking hands

How you shake hands will affect people’s judgement of you. Make sure that your hand is not sweaty. Ensure that your handshake is not so limp that people find it rather distasteful and or not so strong that anybody with whom you shake hands feels their bones have been crushed and their hand aches for minutes or even hours afterwards. The length of time that you shake somebody’s hand will depend on the culture. In Nigeria a handshake can last up to three minutes, while the conversation is still going on.

Introducing yourself

Try to help people to remember your name. This will demonstrate how you provide your services as a lawyer, which is as to be as helpful and client responsive as possible. You can also say your first name twice, if that is how you would like to be remembered. For example, when I introduce myself I go, “My name is Pippa, Pippa Blakemore.” Very often people cannot remember or understand my first name and therefore, I mention that it is like “pepper” which you put on your food.

Saying what you do can be a conversation stopper sometimes when you are a lawyer. So for example when someone asks you what you do or in the introduction you say what you do “I am a lawyer” there maybe silence as people do not know what to ask next. To avoid this awkward silence you can say “I am a lawyer” and the follow that by an interesting summary of what you do on behalf of your clients and what you achieve for them.

Write down here an introductory sentence on yourself which incorporates what you do on behalf of your clients and what you help them to achieve.

My introductory sentence which will help people to ask questions:

“I am a lawyer and I help my client to …

Distance You Should Stand From Each Other

The distance you should stand from each other depends on the cultures. In some cultures it is considered polite to stand more closely than in others. It is important that if you are networking internationally that you research this in detail.

Remembering People’s Names

Remembering people’s names when you are first introduced is difficult. This is natural. Since time began when individuals initially encountered each other,  for the first fifteen seconds they were making the judgement on whether they “fight” or go into “flight.” They concentrated on evaluating the person they just met. This still happens and people make judgements on whether they like you, in those first few seconds.  Therefore neither you nor they are concentrating on what your name is.

Tips to remember people’s names:

1.    Concentrate on people’s name when they are being introduced. You need to listen when an individual is introducing themselves or you are being introduced that an individual.

2.    Look at the person and imagine that they look like their name, so for example they really look like a David or a Sue or a Peter or Ann. Concentrate on what their face looks like and how it matches their name. Think of them as, not just a “name,” but as a person and the name incorporates the face and character of the person to whom you’ve just been introduced.

3.    As you are being introduced and you hear their name, remember the context: where you are standing; the shape of the room; the colours of the walls; any pictures on the walls and who else is there.

4.    Look at the person hard and remember another person you know of the same name, which will help to log the new person into your brain.

5.    As you are introduced to somebody you can also check that you have said their name correctly and you can also check their spelling.

6.    As you are introduced, and hear their name, look at something which will give you a link to remember it. For example, Nicola might be wearing a nice Necklace or Victoria was wearing a V necked jumper.

7.    Repeat the person’s name as you are shaking hands as well it will also be easier to remember somebody’s name if you have had a briefing paper about those attending an event beforehand.

8.    Say their name a few times early into the conversation and then throughout the conversation, which also indicates to the other person that you have remembered their name.

9.    You can ask somebody to remind you what their name is for up to about two minutes into the conversation so that you can say for example “I am really enjoying talking to you about… but do remind me what your name is.”

10. If you are being introduced to a group, listen really hard as the person introduces you. If this is done very speedily, then listen to the names and get a rhythm to each name. Concentrate on each person’s name and the face of the person as they are introduced. Then offer to go round and repeat each name immediately after you have been introduced. This will be very impressive to everyone in the group and will also help you to remember their names. You can also, as somebody is introducing you to a group,  say each person’s name immediately after they have been introduced.  Do this on a one-to-one basis if there are three or four people they will also be very grateful to you for reminding them what other people’s names are.

11. When you have finished an event go through everybody’s business card and you can put notes on the back of their card to remind you of the person you were talking to.

12. Just before you go to bed at night after going to an event where you have met a number of people, in your mind go through the people you met, visualise their face, and remember what their name is.

Active Listening

Listening actively is essential for effective networking and long-term relationship building.  It can be summarised by the word L – I – S – T – E – N

L	Look as if you are listening and keep up eye contact between thirty and sixty percent of the time you are talking to somebody.
I	Interest: demonstrate you are interested with your body language. Keep your shoulders, hips and feet facing the person you are talking to. Do not keep looking over their shoulder to see if there is someone more interesting to speak to.
S	Smile: don’t look bored, smile with your eyes and your lips.
T	Test your understanding which gives you a reminder that you need to keep asking further questions to keep the conversation going
E	Enthusiasm: for what the person is saying
N	Niceties: nodding encouraging people to talk going “mmm” “that’s interesting”, “tell me more”. It also stands for Notes that you need to take afterwards.

“How Long Should We Stay Talking To People Before We Move On?”

The answer depends on the objectives of the event. At a purely networking event you can stay with somebody for a shorter time.  You can also be direct with them, as you both have the same objectives and can openly say to somebody  ”I will leave you to network” or ” Well, we should both go and network” or ” We both need to separate,  so that we may meet some more people.”

If, however, it is a party/social event/seminar or after a presentation then it is important that you leave everyone feeling good. Therefore,  a range to stay with people is probably between about five to fifteen minutes.

How to Leave A Boring Person

This is many people’s nightmare.  You have been talking to somebody for fifteen,  twenty or even thirty minutes and you just do not know how to get away. It should be comforting to know that if you feel that you would like to move on,  then they probably feel the same way, too. In addition,  they will be grateful for you to help them to help them meet other people. Therefore, far from feeling trapped you should look at this as a great opportunity to help another person to meet new people and also help other people meet them. Just because you are not interested in what they are saying does not mean that others may find them fascinating.

You can round up the conversation and finish by saying  ”I really enjoy talking to you about… (mention a specific topic you have been talking about,  which makes the person feel good) and also enables you to have a “hook” to introduce them to somebody else). “Please may I have your card?”.

Follow the exchange of business cards with any of the following phrases

1. “Lets go and get a drink.”
2. “Who would you like to meet?” (if you have done your pre-event research you may well be able to suggest someone)
3. “Who shall we go and meet?”  As you can say this as you look around the room. This makes you feel like a team. This ensures that the person does not feel abandoned. And this indicates that you would like to ensure that they have a good time.
4. “You mention that you were really you were really interested in… (mention a particular subject area) have been to…, are about to, I know that X over there would be really interested to hear of your… adventures,… challenges, experiences. Lets go over and I will introduce you.)
5. “Lets go and join that group…”
6. “I don’t want to monopolise you, I will introduce you to…”

If you have introduced somebody to one other person then it is important that you stay until the two are talking together easily.  You can do this, by remembering what you talked about together. You need to have three points to maintain the conversation so introduce the “Hook” you have heard and let the two people talk to each other about that particular thing.  If the conversation flags,  then either regenerate with an open question and look at both people,  or introduce another topic that you have talked about with the person previously. Repeat this a couple of times until the two are talking to each other and then you can withdraw with such a phrase as “I shall leave you to it.”

Extracting Yourself from a Group

To leave the person you have just introduced to a group then you need to stay a minute or two to ensure the conversation is flowing.

1. If you want to leave a larger group,  then listen to a conversation that is going on between the people in the group,  pick up one of the ideas that they are talking about and then say “On that … sad, or … hilarious, or … challenging note, I shall leave you”  and withdraw from the group with a smile.  This tends to make people smile or laugh and importantly feel good when you leave them.
2. You can use the phrase “I shall leave you to it…” and with a smile at everybody in the group,  nod and leave.
3. You can just withdraw from the group with a nod and a smile and slip away if they are all talking animatedly to each other.
4. With a smile you can say “great to meet you, hope to catch up with you later.”

The ritual of giving and receiving business cards

Exchanging business cards can be awkward and often people feel embarrassed about it,  which results in fumbling and cross-exchanging. It needs to be treated as a ritual, demonstrating mutual respect.

Ask first for somebody’s business card before you offer to give them yours. When you receive somebody’s business card make sure you know the culture of the country in order that you receive it with the correct hand. For example, in Nigeria it is considered rude to give and receive anything, unless you do it with the right hand. In other cultures, you may have to give and receive with both hands.

When you receive a business card do not immediately put it away or get out yours and hand yours over at the same time, or put it into your pocket or fold it in half.

As you receive a card, look at it, read it and make a positive comment. You could ask a question about the logo or make a complimentary comment about it; you can make a comment about the address or ask a question about the person’s role or title.  This may generate further discussion but it is a demonstration of how you want to build relationships and how you have respect for that other person and making them feel good.

Do not write on the business card that you receive in front of the other person because this is often considered to be rude in some cultures.  Put the business card you have received away with respect,  either in the business card holder in the compartment for cards you are receiving,  or, for men,  into your top left-hand pocket,  which is near to your heart and may be an additional indication of the respect that you hold for that card and therefore the person from whom it comes.

When you give out your own business card make it easy for the person who is receiving it.  Hand your card to them the right way round and the right way up so that they can read it quickly and easily. You can write something on your card to personalise it for example your mobile or your cell number; “Hook” you have in common; or how you have agreed to keep in touch. Don’t hand out your business card until you have totally finished receiving the one you have been given.